Changes are on the horizon for the Holmes’ Sweet Home. Changes I never really dreamed possible. But, sometimes, God’s dreams for us are bigger than what we think fathomable for ourselves.
Once upon a time, I started working for this wonderful agency, in which I get to impact people’s lives in a real and tangible way, on a regular basis. Once upon a time, all I could think about was my career ladder within this agency. I wanted to move on up the chain, to be a leader, to impact lives on a grand scale.
Then, I had kids…
I remember a time, not long after Jonah was born, when I truly envied my friends who were “stay at home moms.” Not because I thought it was “easier” than being a working mom. By NO means! But, because they actually had the financial means, somehow, to be able to have one person stay home to be the primary shaper of their children. I thought that would never be possible for me – for us. Jeremy and I have always been very good stewards of our finances, so it was mind boggling, that even in our financial “prudence,” it did not seem possible for me to stay at home with our children.
To be honest, over time, I resigned myself to the fact that I am “meant” to be a working mom. In fact, I would say to people that “going to work makes me a better mom,” and “I’m not designed to be a stay-at-home mom.” I also started to see the benefits of Jonah & Lexi getting their “socialization needs” met through daycare. I would tell myself, “Well, they’re certainly more stimulated at daycare than they would be at home. There’s such a variety of activities for them at school, and they learn so much! And, besides, they need that structure.”
I think, over time, I truly came to believe those things.
However, in the past several months, some things have shifted. I can’t really put my finger on it, exactly. We have been pressing more into what the Lord would have for us….of what He would call us to do, and to be. And, somehow, we took another glance at our finances a few months ago, to realize that suddenly, there is this realistic possibility for me to stay at home with our kids, until they go to school.
But, the shift hasn’t only taken place financially. It has also taken place, in my heart. I am embarrassed to admit that I had gotten to a point where I would sometimes leave my children in daycare pretty late, even on days when I could have them home with me. But, lately, all I can think about is picking up those little doodlebugs as soon as I can, and loving on them. I hate the fact that I am completely used to being away from my children multiple days/week, without feeling any distress about it. And, my kids are used to it, too. In fact, when I get back into town after a business trip, they generally prefer to be with their Daddy as to their Mommy. There was a time when I couldn’t wait for the weekend to be over, so I could “have a break,” but now, I don’t want my weekends to end. And, it has become abundantly clear to me that my kids are so much better behaved on the days that they are home all day with us, as opposed to daycare days.
This is a scary shift. I’ve always been a driven, goal oriented, career-minded person. And, consequently, I’d like to think that I have established myself and am well respected in my field. And, in all honesty, I am currently on a pretty promising career ladder. So, to just jump off of that ladder is truly a leap of faith. I envision that I am jumping off the ladder and directly into the hands of Jesus….because Lord knows, we will need Him to carry us through this! But, who says dependence on the Lord is a bad thing, right??
Finances may not be easy. It’s possible that will barely be scraping by. So, why would I want to voluntarily do this to our family?
Because Mommy’s presence is more valuable than any of the world’s presents.
In the meantime, we will be standing in agreement with the truth of God’s promises:
“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19
“So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matthew 6:31-33
Oh, I still dream that same dream….of being a leader….of impacting lives on a grand scale. The difference is that it will be with my own children. It doesn’t get much more rewarding than that!
We would most certainly covet your prayers, during this transition -- particularly, as I seek to pursue my writing on a more professional level, to bring in a little bit of a supplementary income. I am currently working on a book, and would like to get off the ground as a professional blogger/freelance writer. I’m trusting that if this is truly a call from the Lord, He will bless it…on His terms and in His perfect timing.
