Changes on the Holmes' Sweet Homefront

Changes are on the horizon for the Holmes’ Sweet Home. Changes I never really dreamed possible. But, sometimes, God’s dreams for us are bigger than what we think fathomable for ourselves.

Once upon a time, I started working for this wonderful agency, in which I get to impact people’s lives in a real and tangible way, on a regular basis. Once upon a time, all I could think about was my career ladder within this agency. I wanted to move on up the chain, to be a leader, to impact lives on a grand scale.

Then, I had kids…

I remember a time, not long after Jonah was born, when I truly envied my friends who were “stay at home moms.” Not because I thought it was “easier” than being a working mom. By NO means! But, because they actually had the financial means, somehow, to be able to have one person stay home to be the primary shaper of their children. I thought that would never be possible for me – for us. Jeremy and I have always been very good stewards of our finances, so it was mind boggling, that even in our financial “prudence,” it did not seem possible for me to stay at home with our children.

To be honest, over time, I resigned myself to the fact that I am “meant” to be a working mom. In fact, I would say to people that “going to work makes me a better mom,” and “I’m not designed to be a stay-at-home mom.” I also started to see the benefits of Jonah & Lexi getting their “socialization needs” met through daycare. I would tell myself, “Well, they’re certainly more stimulated at daycare than they would be at home. There’s such a variety of activities for them at school, and they learn so much! And, besides, they need that structure.”

I think, over time, I truly came to believe those things.

However, in the past several months, some things have shifted. I can’t really put my finger on it, exactly. We have been pressing more into what the Lord would have for us….of what He would call us to do, and to be. And, somehow, we took another glance at our finances a few months ago, to realize that suddenly, there is this realistic possibility for me to stay at home with our kids, until they go to school.

But, the shift hasn’t only taken place financially. It has also taken place, in my heart. I am embarrassed to admit that I had gotten to a point where I would sometimes leave my children in daycare pretty late, even on days when I could have them home with me. But, lately, all I can think about is picking up those little doodlebugs as soon as I can, and loving on them. I hate the fact that I am completely used to being away from my children multiple days/week, without feeling any distress about it. And, my kids are used to it, too. In fact, when I get back into town after a business trip, they generally prefer to be with their Daddy as to their Mommy. There was a time when I couldn’t wait for the weekend to be over, so I could “have a break,” but now, I don’t want my weekends to end. And, it has become abundantly clear to me that my kids are so much better behaved on the days that they are home all day with us, as opposed to daycare days.

This is a scary shift. I’ve always been a driven, goal oriented, career-minded person. And, consequently, I’d like to think that I have established myself and am well respected in my field. And, in all honesty, I am currently on a pretty promising career ladder. So, to just jump off of that ladder is truly a leap of faith. I envision that I am jumping off the ladder and directly into the hands of Jesus….because Lord knows, we will need Him to carry us through this! But, who says dependence on the Lord is a bad thing, right??

Finances may not be easy. It’s possible that will barely be scraping by. So, why would I want to voluntarily do this to our family?

Because Mommy’s presence is more valuable than any of the world’s presents.

In the meantime, we will be standing in agreement with the truth of God’s promises:

“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19

“So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”  Matthew 6:31-33

Oh, I still dream that same dream….of being a leader….of impacting lives on a grand scale. The difference is that it will be with my own children. It doesn’t get much more rewarding than that!

We would most certainly covet your prayers, during this transition -- particularly, as I seek to pursue my writing on a more professional level, to bring in a little bit of a supplementary income. I am currently working on a book, and would like to get off the ground as a professional blogger/freelance writer. I’m trusting that if this is truly a call from the Lord, He will bless it…on His terms and in His perfect timing.

A Letter from Jonah

Jonah got sent home from daycare this week, for being unmanageable.  He does have some behavioral problems (though hardly severe enough to get him kicked out of daycare...but that appears to be the direction we are headed, which kinda floors my Mommy mind).  So, we are being challenged, as his parents to better understand what makes our little man tick.  They are making one last (er, well, ONLY, as far as I have seen) ditch effort to help the situation, by moving him  up to an older class.  He is already the youngest child in his current class.  So, I composed this following letter from Jonah to his teachers, presuming that if he could articulate everything going on in his little brain, this might be what he would say:

Hi, I’m Jonah.

I’m excited to be in your class, and I know my Mommy and Daddy are really hoping this class is a better fit for me, because they love me so very much, and only want what’s best for their baby. If you have kids, I’m sure you totally get that!!

I want to let you know a few things about me that might help me out in your class:

My strengths:

I am super smart. And, I’m not just saying that. It’s true. Sometimes, I’m a little too smart for my own good. Most things that I learn just stick right in my brain, for good! I’ve been able to identify and name all of my primary colors since I was 18-mos old! For REAL! My mommy even has a video of it! Right now, I know the sound that every letter of the alphabet makes, and I enjoy sounding out words with flashcards at home. So, sometimes it’s easy for me to get bored. As long as you keep me engaged with activities that challenge my little brain, I’ll be good to go! Maybe I could help teach a lesson, if it’s on a topic that I already know. I also love building blocks, playing with cars, and putting together puzzles. I have an affinity for learning music! I love music, and I’m pretty good at singing and pretending like I’m a rock star!! I also do pretty well at tasks that require a great deal of concentration and problem solving!

Since you’re my new teachers, I’m excited that you may be able to help me get better at some of the following things:

1. Appropriate interaction with my friends. For some reason, not yet understood, I have a really difficult time understanding that it is best to take turns talking. I tend to interrupt, and talk only about the things that I want to talk about. Please be patient with me, as this is just a difficult skill for me to grasp. But, my parents are working hard with me, too. It will help me if you remain patient, but remind me that it is polite and good manners to take turns speaking. It might even help if we take times to practice this skill.
2. Regulating my Senses:
1. For some reason, my brain doesn’t process my environment the same way as my friends. I sometimes feel insecure about where my body is in space, and I try to figure that out by getting more pressure on my joints. The fancy name for this is that I am a “proprioception seeker.” If I don’t get enough proprioceptive feedback through appropriate activities, like pedaling a bike, riding a scooter, crawling around on my hands and knees, wheelbarrow racing, bouncing around, doing jumping jacks, and pushing through heavy doors, then I will seek that input through inappropriate means, such as crashing into my friends and throwing myself on the ground. It’s not that I’m trying to be mean when I crash into my friends. It’s just that it’s an easy way for me to get that feedback my body desperately needs. So, it will help me so much if you will be patient and redirect me to an appropriate means for getting my sensory needs met.
2. In the same way that I seek proprioception, I can become over-stimulated by too much noise and chaos. When that happens, I kinda flip-out and start misbehaving, to try to deal with my internal anxiety.
3. We all have quirks, and here are some of mine:
1. I need lots of attention. I’m a lovable, playful kid, and I just want you to notice me. If I feel like you haven’t noticed me in awhile, I may do something just to get you to notice me! Unfortunately, at this point, I really don’t care whether you give me negative or positive attention, as long as you give me some kind of attention. So, if you don’t give me positive attention for the things I’m doing right, I’ll most likely haul off and do something wrong because I’m smart enough to know that that WILL get your attention  So, I guess the best approach to dealing with me is to give me lots of positive attention and praise, even for the simplest things you see me doing right, and basically ignore my negative behaviors. That’s not to say I don’t need to be put in time-out for misbehaving. But, time-out needs to be exactly that: Time-OUT, with absolutely zero interaction from anyone during that time. Not even to argue with me or tell me to be quiet if I’m trying to yell and scream from the time-out place.
2. I take some things very literally. If I correct you on something, I’m not necessarily trying to be a smarty pants. It’s just that sometimes I have a hard time getting my mind around things, if I know they aren’t exactly right. For instance, one time, my uncle playfully offered to give me a “knuckle sandwich,” but I refused because I know that we don’t eat hands! If you ask me to put my hand on the desk, and you accidentally call it a wall, I won’t comply, because it’s not literally “the wall.” Again, it’s not on purpose, and I hope that if you realize I’m just a very literal person, it may help you understand why some things are difficult for me to accept.
3. I get a little out of sorts when my routine is interrupted. It really messes me up to move from one activity to another without sufficient warning. For instance, if we are about to stop playing outside, it will help me a LOT if you give me a little forewarning, like telling me, “Jonah, you can go down the slide 2 more times, and then we have to go inside.” Abrupt changes just tend to throw me off.
4. For some reason, I expect some things to happen only in certain ways. For instance, I have a hard time understanding that it is okay to pray at times other than in church, at mealtime, and at bed time. If my Mommy tries to get me to pray at any other time, it usually makes me very angry because my little brain just doesn’t know how to accept that we can pray any time. I’m sure there are other things like this that throw me off a bit, and I appreciate your patience, in understanding that I just don’t think exactly like most of my friends in this class.

Thanks for your patience and willingness to give me a fresh start. I’m hoping that by better understanding some of these little things about me, it might help you to feel more patient with me, and it might also give you ideas of things that can help set me up for success in your class!

Thanks,

Jonah

Milestones Galore

Lexi
Lexi has started spontaneously initiating conversations now.  It is awesome.  Here's the conversation we had last week:

Lexi:   I tacky nap today.
Me:    You did?  You took a nap today?
Lexi:  Ya, I duuuue!  I tacky nap.  On my nap mat.
Me:    You took a nap on your nap mat?
Lexi:  Ya, I duuue!  Becca pat me. [demonstrates by attempting to pat her own back]
Me:    Becca patted you?
Lexi:  Ya, Becca pat me.  Like this.  I tacky nap.

It's hard to believe she's not yet 2, with the level of her communication.  She seems to understand grammatical phrasings beyond her years, such as sentences like these:

I go back outside, ok?
I don't need a cup of wawer.  You put juice in dare, ok?
Oh, that ball is heaby, Mommy!
What you doing, Mommy?


And, then there's her favorite.  Every single time I go to take a shower, she ceases whatever FUN activity she may be doing, and confidently declares,


"You go take a showa, right now?  I go witchu, Mommy!  Ya, I go witchu!"


 Jonah:
Of course, speaking of showers, I suppose I'm going to have to start locking Jonah out of the bathroom during my showers.  This morning, as he was getting ready to leave for school, he walked in on me, as I was stepping out of the shower.  I thought nothing of it, and asked, "Did you come to give Mommy a kiss so you can go bye-bye with Daddy?"

Holy MOLY!  Who KNEW!  He was completely disturbed at my ... um ... condition and proclaimed, "No, I'm not going to kiss you!  You're not wearing any clothes!  You need to get dressed, Mommy!!"  And, off he went.

End of story.

Or not.

About 20 minutes later, his Daddy called me (having no knowledge of our previous "shower" encounter) to "let me know" that as he dropped Jonah off at school, he reassured him that "Mommy will be here later to pick you up."  Much to Jeremy's surprise and ... ahem ... embarrassment (I'm sure), Jonah loudly inquired, in a rather disturbed, and ever-so-slightly frightened tone, "Is Mommy going to be NAKIE when she picks us up, today??"

Superrrrrr!

God's Molding

Jonah is fascinated by Jesus, apparently.  I mean, you won't hear me complaining.  I want to instill God's love in Jonah, but I can't wait for the day that he really grabs ahold of the Truth, and gets it.  In the meantime, I love the little precursors to his faith:

Jonah is afraid of the dark.  When he goes down the hall, he will pray aloud, as quickly as he can, as he runs as fast as he can to his destination, "Dear God, please protect me AMENNNNN!"

Upon his return, he sincerely shouts, "Thank you, JESUS!" (I can only presume for the protection on his journey).

Jonah loves flip-flops.  He has been begging to wear them all winter.  Well, Monday was a gorgeous day, so we had a picnic on the lawn out front, and I finally decided it was a good warm day for flip-flops.  Much to my surprise and amusement, Jonah, in his bouncy runnings around proudly declared, "Look, Mommy! I'm wearing flip-flops like JESUS!!"  Really?  That's his comparison for wearing flip-flops?  Oh, well, I'll take it, in the comfort of knowing God is just beginning a work in Jonah's heart....starting with sheer fascination :)

I often try to just rest in the reassurance and promise that  God is faithful to complete a good work that He has started in Jonah.  But, some days I'm a little dissuaded.  Yesterday was one of those days.  Jonah can throw some intense tantrums, full of rage, and they are quite disturbing.  I mean, his little voice even changes to this nasty sounding voice, as he spits and screams, and runs from me, and shouts the most hateful things that I didn't even know his heart could contain!

We had one of those yesterday, and I got caught up in a little pity party, wondering what I'm doing wrong, as a Mommy. I wondered, "What GIVES, God?"  How do I shape this little boy, without completely warping him or damaging him, in the process?  I wondered what I might be doing to contribute to his anger.

I stood in the kitchen, full of my own tears, as he cried out, and hurled his toys in his bedroom.  Soon enough, he came out of his room, looking disheveled and still out-of-sorts.  I said to him, "Jonah, if you still have an ugly attitude, then you need to go back to your room, right now."  And, for the first time EVER, Jonah started crying in true remorse for his behavior, ran and clung to my leg and, without any prompting or instruction whatsoever, sobbed in true unsolicited sincerity, "I'm sorry!!!"

Of course, I embraced him and we both cried.  And, I recognized that some things just take time.  But, they will click ... eventually.  And, God's got it all under His control, so the outcome is sure to be an incredible one....

Jonah's First Love

I think Jonah has his first love!  I mean it!!  He is truly enamored by this little lady!  I mean, he talks about her non-stop, asks me if she's going to pick him up from school, comes running when he hears her voice, worries about her when she's not around, gets giddy & silly as he watches her, begs to go in and see her, asks if she can come out and play with him, and sheepishly giggles as he announces, "She's my best friend!" [followed by a cheesy fake laugh]

IN.CESSANTLY!
IN.LOVE!  

She's a pretty popular little cutie. Maybe you've seen her before?  Her name's Molly, and she's QUITE the splash:

72-Hour EEG

Well, I survived the dreaded 72-hour ambulatory video EEG monitoring.  It actually wasn't as bad as I had anticipated.  I mean, don't get me wrong, it wasn't all roses, but I had reallllllly been dreading the 3 day diagnostics in my home.  Here's the gist of how it went:

A lady from Global Neuro Diagnostics came to my house and set up 2 cameras:  1 in my bedroom, which filmed only my side of the bed, and 1 in the living room, aimed at the recliner.  I had lots of instructions, but the main instruction was to try to be in front of one of the cameras at all times.  Additionally, she glued 23 electrodes to my head and a couple to my chest (to monitor my heart rate).  Then she fashioned all the wires into a fancy little "pony tail" sleeve to keep them from getting tangled, and they were connected to this little portable device I had to sling over my shoulder for the duration of the evaluation.  (Of course, when I was sleeping, I would just keep it above my head, and it didn't really interfere with my ability to toss & turn in my sleep).

The evaluation was scheduled to take place from Saturday morning until Tuesday morning.  My episodes had tapered off substantially before the evaluation, and in fact, I had gone 3 days completely episode free, prior to the eval.  So, Jeremy and I were frustrated, feeling like we were about to toss our money down the drain for an unnecessary evaluation.  But, it was really too late to cancel.

Well, I'm glad we kept the evaluation scheduled because I had episodes each night at bed time, and additionally, I had 3 episodes on Sunday, and 1 awesome (ha!), classic (aura + arm, face, and abdominal muscles contractions all involved) episode on Monday.  Now, of course, I would prefer for these to go away completely, and I am still believing on faith, in complete Divine healing, but if I am still having periodic episodes, this was the time to have them!  So, for that I give a big Praise GOD!

At first, I was afraid the kids would want to pull the electrodes off my head.

They were all over my head, and the worst part was that I couldn't take a shower or wash my hair for 3 days!

I wore a hat, to keep the kids from messing with my head, which worked pretty well!

...until they decided they wanted to wear my hat, instead :)

Here's the "big picture" with my lovely sling and the camera that faced my bed.
There was another one in the living room.

The worst part of all was washing all the glue out of my hair!  It was AW.FUL!
But, alas, I was relieved after taking the longest shower in the history of the world, and back to my CLEAN self again!

The results will take about 10 business days to read.  I was supposed to have a follow-up appointment on Monday, 2/27, but it has been rescheduled to Wednesday, March 7.  In the meantime, I'm praying that no news is good news :)  I'll post an update, as soon as we know more!

Jonah according to Jonah, and then some...

Jonah and the Big Fish
Jonah learned about Jonah at church last Sunday.  At lunch, we decided to recap the story:
Me: Do you remember why Jonah got eaten by the big fish?
Jonah:  Ummmm.....[ponders]... because he didn't listen to God!
[pause, ponders some more]
Jonah: But ME [points to self] This Jonah? I LISTEN to GOD!

The Birth of Jesus
Later that night, we were reading in Jonah's Toddler Story Bible.  Of course, he wanted to read about Jonah.  The book has lots of wonderful illustrations.  In the Toddler Bible, the story that follows Jonah, is the Story of the Birth of Jesus.  I pointed to the pictures and read to Jonah that the Angel of the Lord went to the shepherds in the fields to tell them of Jesus's birth.  Jonah wanted me to read him the story again, but I needed to stop to eat dinner, so I encouraged him to read the story, himself. 

I'm listening as he recounts the story of Jesus's birth, by looking at the illustrations, and the next thing I hear is:

Jonah: And the Angel came and said, "YOU GO NIGHT NIGHT RIGHT NOW, BABY JESUS!!!"

Ohhh, I laughed so hard!  I don't believe I've ever heard that version of the story of Jesus's birth....but I guess you never know :)